Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
