it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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