I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
