that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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