You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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