i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So vagazzling was a success
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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