it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
