In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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