Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
