i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
