remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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