Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
