this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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