you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
