Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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