i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
