Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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