Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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