Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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