Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
