apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
