Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
