you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every concussion has its silver lining
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
