I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
pray to the hookup gods
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
