shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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