Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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