It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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