My Higher Power is John Stamos
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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