My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
