Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
