i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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