You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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