Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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