So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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