be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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