is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
