I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
