This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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