Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
