dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
