two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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