its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
