Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
