I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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