Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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