HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
