we're chasing vodka with high fives
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
