I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
