Banned from zoo.
Again?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
