I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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