some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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