I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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