I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
