Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
