You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
